From One Father to All Others

 

Other than Christmas and the birthdays of a few select family members and close friends, I'm quite oblivious to holidays and festivities of all kinds, be they national, international, or all across the galaxy. Furthermore it seems that pretty much every group of people, or animals, or things, or activities, has some sort of "Day" these days. I think we pretty much jumped the shark as a species when the UN instituted WORLD TOILET DAY (it's on November 19th. Check it out, if you don't believe me). And just as an aside, why in the blazes is International Men's Day on the same date as World Toilet Day... Coincidence?? But let's move on.

So it should come as no big surprise that Father's Day usually comes as a big surprise to me. Which is exactly what happened again this year. The main indicator that something was afoot was that I received an early morning email with the subject line "Lack These Two Minerals And Risk A Permanent Limp Penis." Yup, definitely Father's Day. After ordering a month's supply of these "crucial penis minerals," I said to myself that something needs to be done about all of this, and grabbed my pen (a modern day metaphor for keyboard) and a freshly squeezed piece of paper (a modern day metaphor for computer screen) and got to work. The fruit of this labor you, dearest reader, are about to enjoy. Which I sincerely hope you will.

Once Per Annum

(A Father's Day Poem)

Composed by a father to honor fathers who are fathers, fathers who were, fathers who were fathers, and fathers who are, as of yet, to be fathers, and even fathers to be, as well as father’s fathers, fathers of fathers to be, and fathers of fathers who may not yet know that they are, will be, or may, perhaps, get a shot at being fathers. And now, before this goes any father, and without father ado, please sit back and enjoy (whether you’re a father or not).

Father! Father! Father!

We don't want to be a bother

We come with gifts

And presents, too

Some socks, a tie

And one brown shoe

The other one we sadly lost

But, nonetheless, we love you most

Because you're cool, and strong, and wise

And that should come as no surprise

So, on this day of fatherhood

We hope you're feeling extra good

Please know that we all do love you

Even with just one brown shoe

Written by Casual-T on the 20th day of the sixth month in the year 2021, according to the Gregorian calendar, somewhere in the middle of Indiana. How he got there, we may never know. Even he is not too sure on the specifics!